A Study in Grey Stripes

Frankie's back.

Henrey said we couldn't run the office with just us two, and we needed to either get another experienced cat or try to hire Frankie back. I didn't feel like interviewing, so here's Frankie again. I'M SO MAD!!

Anyway, the good news is his fudz are back too, and I am eatin them.

Big news everyone--FRANKIE HAS ACTUALLY GONE AWAY TO COLLEGE. He is currently living among the natives of Brooklyn where he is studying their customs as part of his internship. He's like Margaret Meate! I always thought he was going to study entomology, but I guess I wuz rong. Anyways, I sent him off with a care package of snacks--HOW NICE WAS THAT??

He has learned some things. He reports that the teenagers like to flout the laws of their land with underage drinking and other unsightly shenanigans. He has been reporting all this to his research assistant, Humbucker, who apparently HAS NOT BEEN TAKING NOTES. He has also met with other more experienced researchers but he doesn't get along with them very well. He says they feel threaten because he's a guy and he speaks polish. The other researchers are studying hipster vampires.

In all the turmoil, Fudz B losted her job somewhere! I looked under the bed and in teh closet--it weren't there. BUT she is experimenting with different fudz for us, and so far I have loved them all. Does she think she will find her job in a can? I DUNNO THE YUMANS ARE MYSTERIOUS.

Just like you cannot deny my cuteness, you cannot deny the love I have for this freakish human, my beloved Humbucker. We have been engaged for several years--we are taking our time.

Also, hey, I have a birthday coming up! I'm gonna be five!

This is what i have to deal with all day! This animal running around in circles on a bed on which I should be SLEEPING!

I just wanted to tell you how beautiful I am. Can you believe it?? Even tho in this photo I AM STARVING. If you look closely at that sentence you will see that I spelled the name of a foods. That's how hungry I am!

OK, maybe I just wanted to tell you how hungry I am. Imagine if I really could interrupt your programs with this important news? Food deliveries would come from all over. Which I would then distribute to the other starvin cats on my floor.

Hey everyone! My beloved, who is also shares our office space during the day, will be out of town! So I will be using the opportunities to have parties. Everyone is invitated!

Tuesday Night: Join me for cocktails!
on the menu: tuna and beef tartar with sprigs of baby parsley
signature cocktail: Rescue Remedy 'tini, garnished with 1 green olive.
special guests: Noah from down the hall will tell us about his three weeks in the garage!
Hank Lucat will tell us about his favorite cockfights, like the time Francisco Negro got into a fight over a card game with El Rey del chicharrones.

Wednesday Afternoon: Tea!
on the menu: crustless liver and tuna panini on challah
tea: fresh catnip with cream
special guest: the parrot from downstairs will tell us about the time he stopped a furniture delivery!

Thursday: Brunch!
on the menu: Babka french toast with sweet cheese, snaussages.
signature cocktail: Mimosas: sparkling water with sprigs of fresh young mimosa
special guest: Belle the Bull Terrier will tell us why cats are the superior species (she lost a bet to Lucat.)



I'm working on the menu!

I made a video for the sockington army! Sockington is the most popular cat in twitter. In this video, made at 12:30 am after a long night of school and shiastu work, I squirm around like a lamprey. I'm cute! But I'm not as cute as Poly. I freely admit that.

I know, you're all like, POLY I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE, but NO. This is a new box! I am in my favorite size, size 6.5. It's cozy--perfect for the chilly winter we've been having.If you're 13 pounds like me, you might also like a size 6.5 new balance boxx. Axe your peeps to get you one! Or two!

You like how I'm extra furry this winter?? It's on account of my mother being a pallas's cat or a bobcat mebbe. I get extra fur when it is extra cold. In fact, weather people want to study me! Henrey is negotiating that RIGHT NOW for winter 2010.

they was supposed to be posting all my new names as they came up! and this did not happen!! and so, some of the names I used this year may be LOST. That is TERRIBLE. I hears the economy is pretty bad right now, so I am thinking of hiring a bank VP or investment banker to be part of my staff this time--do my typing AND make my investments!

here are the names as I recall. Please note that "Princess," "Emcee" or "DJ" can proceed any of them.

Sassparella
Stripezon
Strypor
Poly Pinga Punkass
Megadon
Mohammad Poli, aka Cassius Gray
Lady Yelverton-Quashie (we did blog this one, I know)
Punchpaw
Fists of Fury

I'm sure there were more! I am pig-bitin' mad.

Also, I"m still waitin on that call, Barack.

I'M A GALLEYCAT TODAY!

OMG, look at me! I'm so cute! I'm in the dog post to contrast how much cuter i am than a PUG.

Obama, I am waitin on you to announce my appointment to your cabinet. As you can see, I have tons of experience! You could make me your press secretary. Watch this. "Ok, press peeps, we have limited time today because I need a nap. Helen, wot the hell are you still doing here? C'mere, I will let you pet me. OK, that's enough. We're done! no more questions, thank you!"

Whadchoo think? Also, I will tell you now, I WILL NOT TAKE A SHOE IN THE EYE FOR YOU.

Gotta go. Charm School finale is on!

OMG YOU GUYS I AM SO SUPER EXCITED!!

MEATWATER is a new super vitamin type beverage made with MEATS.



FB claims this may be from our friends at Dog Island. I don't care where they make it, I want some!

The Pr0k hocks and greens flava has smoked pork hocks, collard greens, potatoes. YUMS There is also a HAGGIS flava what is colored black for all you goffs out there.

HIZZAH. I thought today was gonna be stupid, but i was WRONG!

Civics Quiz
You answered 30 out of 33 correctly — 90.91 %

also, I am compiling my list of the 10 most intriguing people for 2009. So far I got:

Wanda Sykes. I love Wanda, plus I heard she came out the closet. I got a closet, I walk in and out as is my wont.

Niecy Nash. Who want clean house? I do Miss Niecy! I could help at the yard sale!

Stephen Colbert. Will be be afraid of me? I am rather ursine.

Amy Poehler. I think I am bigger than you, Amy! I wanna see.

engineers who like cats. can they produce a guide to ME? I think not!

Angela from The Office. Oh, Angela, you have cat figurines and cat calendars. You dumped your true love for killing your cat. I would sit next to you all day with one to six dainty paws on your leg.

Pharrell from N.E.R.D. what is this seeing sounds business? i think i need you to break it down for me. Also, am IN the bathroom, so the girls gotta wait.

who is on your list?

I can't come up with a list of my 10 most intriguing animals because it would have to go up to 121

omg i am so mad you guys, so check it, that dogdam ROOMBA woke up and started running around, so my beloved Humbucker politely removed my box so roomba wouldn't eat it. he set it afloat in the amazon. we have the amazon in our apartment. you probably do too! look for a cardboard box what say "amazon"--that is is. Frankie spends a lot of time in the amazon because he is practicing being Mungo for our reality show. So my box was afloat in the amazon. it was a very bucolic scene, even with that stupid robit runnuning around. but then...? FRANKIE YELLED BANZAI AND JUMPED ON MY BOX and he broked it. Humbucker made a repair (post-robit), but you know? Frankie should not be doing that. that's foolishness!

Holla everyone, so check it. I discovered I am a Pawtucket Indian! So I am gonna open a casino in my apartment, as is my right, at least that's what Henrey says. Frankie is gonna be doorman. IT'S FOR CATS ONLY, and small dogs, and other small mammals. You gotta know the password to get in. It's SWORDFISH, ok? we are gonna hire some pugs as bouncers.

Lucat, I am axing your manatee Frankie to write you a pome. Here it is.

Listen:
You have heard of the Alley Kings
in the old days and how
they were great warriors.
Gruffy, the son of Meowly,
took many an enemy's can of food,
terrified many a crazy cat lady,
after he was found an orphan.
He prospered under the sky
until people everywhere
listened when he spoke.
He was a good king!

Gruffy had a son,
child for his yard,
sent by Bast
to comfort the people,
to keep them from fear--
Henrey was his name;
he was famous
throughout the North of Manahatta.
Young princes should do as he did--
give out treasures
while they're still young
so that when they're old
people will support them
in time of war.
A man prospers
by good deeds
in any nation.

Hank ruled the alley
a long time after his father's death,
and to him was born
the great Polyhymnia, fierce in battle,
who ruled until she was stoled.

After a while, Poly noticed the Great Hank
was missing. Where is that cat?
She heard he was living in a castle next door
to the alley, eating good foods but terrorized
by the Giant Weasel, Mungo.

She set out to save her father and slay the Weasel.
She failed, but she got foods, and lived
in the castle. Everything was jake.

Now Hank lives in a smaller castle, but in
a better neighborhood, with less roaches
and zombies, and nary a bat what flies
into the apartment. He is the foreman and
shop steward, and he is my mentos.

Also, he's got a few nice blankets.

-Frankie P'nuckles, 2008

Is Lady Yelverton-Quashie

whaddya think? I like it.

http://twitter.com/BlackFrankie

has a twitter page, wth???? oh, blogging is too many words for him.

OMG THEY DID!



OMG HOW DID THIS HAPPEN IT IS TOTALLY INSANE. FB were lookin at cats on craigslist because she is KRIZAZZY and she came across these and i was like OMGWTFBBQ???? I thought those dudes was neutered!!!!!! these kittens they had, they are off in a remote location, probably a radioactive island with japanese monsters. the kittens have FIV, but hey, that ain't bad considerin they had TWO DADDIES you think there would be more things weird about them like you know i dunno ferret faces or love of chupa chups.

THERE ARE FIVE. two henreys and three frankies. i don't kno when tehy did this but i was not involvitated or even APPRISED, I SWEARZ.