A Study in Grey Stripes

Think about it! I am super-qualified. First, my opinions on things are well-known. You read them here a few times a week! Second, I look good in a robe. c, I am cat-holic. apparently a bunch of the supremes are cat-holic. d, I sing good and look good in a 60s beehive wig. BEES! I love bees! I haven't had one in a while on account of too many screens, but when I'm on the court there will be more bees. Most courts are outside, right?


WHACHOO LAUGHING AT, ROBERTS? I SMAKE YOU WIF MY MEGAPAWS!

Can I helps you?? ANYWAY It is xmas eve, the night the animals tawk! But I tawk every night, tonight is not special for me in that respect. HOWEVAH, I want to report on the excellent prezzies I got from my beau, Augustin. He sent me a catnip pillow which is what I am clutching with love in the above photo and a photo of hisself (he looks amazing! He's been working out!) and my favorite snacks, Feline Greenies. I am very very grateful to have such an amazing beau and not to have to sign up with teh millionaire matchmaker lady.

My dad Hank and his assistant Frankie loved their cigars. I think they were cubans! I loved them too.

Happy Christmas everyone! I hope you get the presents you want and not the presents I know you deserve.

Hey, I went for a walk in the snow. As some of you know, my feets are naturally adapted to this weather--they are, essentially, snow shoes. So I went for a stroll and all was good. All the other cats were afraid to go out on account of not having my super-awesome adaptation. HA. Megapaws rool! Darwin sez so!

The famous Sockington has sprouted another head!

Hey everyone, I'm almost all better. I was sick, and then sicker, and then people thought I was dying on account of my excellent acting chops. Then I got some bacons and goat milks and the vet called and gave me a clean bill o' health. And some pills. I am still getting bacons and goat milks and I am gonna try to get this for as long as possible.

Thank you all my friends for your prayers, commands, spells, rain dances and stuff like that there.

yesterday, I forget to ask the FB for dinner! Then today, Hank had to get her up for breakfast, like the olden days! and i barely et any snacks. i think it's because Frankie makes me angry. but FB insistitate on vetting me. I was asked many questions by the secret service, like have I traveled outside of the country? What's the deal with your Canadian boyfriend? Why are you so well-versed in robotology? What newspapers do you read? ALL OF THEM! WHATEVER THEY PUT IN FRONT OF ME!! I passed, but I had to go to the vet anyway. I WAS 8.5 POUNDS. I am too skinny! I need a sammich, peeps! I think I was like 11 pounds last I checked! The doctor, who of course said I was very pretty, said I might have an OVERACTIVE thyroid. That's the opp of the FB, who is underactive. Does that mean she is my nemesis? probably. Anyway, I am feeling much better already. My minions made a snackrifice in my honor. Tomorrow I get my test results. I bet I passed!

Frankie's back.

Henrey said we couldn't run the office with just us two, and we needed to either get another experienced cat or try to hire Frankie back. I didn't feel like interviewing, so here's Frankie again. I'M SO MAD!!

Anyway, the good news is his fudz are back too, and I am eatin them.

Big news everyone--FRANKIE HAS ACTUALLY GONE AWAY TO COLLEGE. He is currently living among the natives of Brooklyn where he is studying their customs as part of his internship. He's like Margaret Meate! I always thought he was going to study entomology, but I guess I wuz rong. Anyways, I sent him off with a care package of snacks--HOW NICE WAS THAT??

He has learned some things. He reports that the teenagers like to flout the laws of their land with underage drinking and other unsightly shenanigans. He has been reporting all this to his research assistant, Humbucker, who apparently HAS NOT BEEN TAKING NOTES. He has also met with other more experienced researchers but he doesn't get along with them very well. He says they feel threaten because he's a guy and he speaks polish. The other researchers are studying hipster vampires.

In all the turmoil, Fudz B losted her job somewhere! I looked under the bed and in teh closet--it weren't there. BUT she is experimenting with different fudz for us, and so far I have loved them all. Does she think she will find her job in a can? I DUNNO THE YUMANS ARE MYSTERIOUS.

Just like you cannot deny my cuteness, you cannot deny the love I have for this freakish human, my beloved Humbucker. We have been engaged for several years--we are taking our time.

Also, hey, I have a birthday coming up! I'm gonna be five!

This is what i have to deal with all day! This animal running around in circles on a bed on which I should be SLEEPING!